Lighting a Fire in a Hurricane

My days are full of relapses.

A few things I’ve relapsed on recently: eating slowly, pausing before speaking, tricep exercises, reading fiction.

And right when I fall off the bandwagon, I get a thick smack of doom. That proves it! my mind says knowingly. You’ll never be able to fill-in-the-blank.

It feels hopeless. Like I’m trying to light a fire in a hurricane.

But. I’ve come to believe relapses aren’t so bad. They happen all the time. It’s probably part of the deal when we sign up to be human.

What doesn’t happen all the time is getting back on the bandwagon after we’ve fallen off.

This, I think, takes a certain kind of courage. The courage to not discount ourselves after we miss the mark. And the courage to believe not the loud hopeless voice in our heads, but the quiet hopeful one.

Because really, it takes courage not to get discouraged.

Each time I get up after a relapse, I figure I’m showing myself, “No, I won’t be felled so easily. And yes. I can do this.” And the more I show myself that, the less difficult it is to get up again.

Some might say it’s a fool’s game. Give it up already. There’s no point.

And that’s okay. We’re all entitled to our opinions.

But I think I’d rather be a fool always attempting to light the fire in a hurricane, than a non-fool who gave up and stayed in the dark.

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